Alison's Finding Herself

I am reading a book about attachment theory, Attached by Dr. Amir Levine & Rachel S.F. Heller M.A. It talks about how in the early 1900’s much of the parenting literature advised parents to allow their children to cry and discouraged a close parent-child bond. We now know that children thrive when having a secure attachment with their parents. Relationship advice, similarly, has promoted the idea of encouraging independence in recent years. The idea is that you are deficient in some way if you are too dependent on a partner. However, biologically, we are designed to have close adult relationships, just as we do as children. It is healthy to have those you love depend on you, and to depend on those you love in return.

Maybe, in part, a lot of the literature lacks consideration of the complexities of relationships. It is important to have boundaries, and respect the boundaries of others, but it is also important to find grace and forgiveness for those we love.