Alison's Finding Herself

Co-dependent Vs. Empathetic. It strikes me that I have considered empathy one of my strongest and most valuable characteristics. I think I focused a lot of energy on my husband’s lack of empathy, which I still feel is relevant, but I didn’t realize it played such a role in my own behavior. Through my reading I have learned that having empathy is when you don’t take responsibility for the other person by trying to fix, solve, or change things. Where, as a co-dependent, we immediately go into fixer mode, preventing us from actually hearing the person. This behavior comes into play from childhood, and a persons deep rooted need to achieve some sort of standard for their caretaker, or parent, in order to win their approval and love. This changes the inner dialogue to reflect feelings of not being worthy of love if you don’t achieve this/these certain standard(s). Anyway, I am navigating learning this and processing what it means to me.

              Crystal had a live this morning I caught just 5 minutes of, but I was able to get her recommendation for a book on Co-dependency. Attached by Amir Levine, I ordered it on Amazon and it will be here tomorrow. It’s free on Kindle, but I want to be able to write notes and highlight. I also ordered some plain note pads, I want to keep them around so I can take notes when I don’t have the time to write it out more in this fashion.

              Learning to let go is challenging, but I feel like it’s getting easier. As the days get a little lighter, the stress and anxiety is much less, and I feel like my mind is clearer, I see more and more that my success cannot be dependent on my husband. I have allowed years of my life to be wasted consumed with trying to solve problems that can only be solved by my husband from within…and I’ve done so at my own detriment. I am feeling more content living in this purgatory, because I know regardless, I will find happiness in the end.