Alison's Finding Herself

Codependency. This is what it is. My life and how it’s going is centered around his moods. Anxiety is constant because I am awaiting the inevitable bad mood. I have to be on high alert in case he’s mad at the kids, I have to make sure to defend them. I don’t like the tone, the burdened attitude. Never kind talk, never questions about anyone’s day, or interest in what we do. I watch these videos from this creator on TikTok, Crystal, and she separated from her husband before, but most recently a week ago. She had a live with a… I don’t know what she is exactly lol…but “authenticity coach/practitioner.” Maybe holistic, law of attraction, kind of vibe. I followed her and she had another live where it felt like being in a spa or yoga class and I thought, I want to make the house that kind of vibe. More fragrance, diffuser or candles – diffuser would be better but I really like candles, especially the 3-wick ones from Bath & Body Works. I digress. They had a live and Crystal was asking about Codependency and I started seeing the correlation with my own situation with my husband. I came across Laura’s TikTok about it again before and started researching and educating myself a little more. Wow, definitely in a codependent relationship with my husband.

Needing Approval from Others/Self Worth being depend on what others think

Apologizing and taking blame to keep peace

Guilt & Anxiety when doing anything for myself

Sacrificing myself to make the other person happy

Walking on Eggshells

How good/bad my day is depends on his mood

There is so much more then this, but it’s ringing bell after bell. Next question, Can a codependent relationship be saved? Yes, but the same effort has to be made by the giver and the taker. Is that the case for us? No, not now. Will it ever be? I don’t know, how long do I wait?

What is my role here? I can’t focus on him, I have to make the effort to change the way I think, feel, and talk about myself. I have to increase my self esteem. How do I do that?

I have to detach, and work in therapy to make sure this never happens again. I attached an informative link below. There is so much to learn in this life.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-signs-of-codependency#signs-of-codependency